“People Do Not Understand How You Feel…”
One of the Hardest Things About Having Anxiety and Panic Attacks, is that the People Around You Simply Do NOT Understand How You Feel.
You tell them how terrifying a panic attack is and they think you are just exaggerating. You explain the anxious thoughts you have and they remark, “Hey I get stressed too”. You tell them that you wake each morning with a sense of dread, and they say “Oh come on, who is a morning person?”.
They simply don’t get it.
The weekend is coming up and your partner wonders why you can’t just go out for dinner with friends and leave your fears behind? What they don’t get is that sometimes you think you will actually die the fear is so intense and that your mind is in such a fog that you won’t be able to enjoy yourself for a minute.
You wish they could understand this – and when they don’t you feel alone and depressed.
I’ve got two things to say about this:
1. YOU ARE OKAY
Yes you have a problem that needs correcting. You wouldn’t be reading this right now if you didn’t. That’s why you surf the net looking for answers. That’s why you constantly worry if this problem is more serious than just anxiety. You worry about the scary bodily sensations and if you will always be like this. You get a jolt of fear at the thought of losing control in front of your friends or co-workers.
I know all this because I have been there. I have had the exact same thoughts and fears as you have had.
And you know what? It’s OK.
It’s OK because all of this is curable. All of the anxiety can be healed and no, you are not going to lose control or go insane and NO a panic attack is not going to kill you. It’s all OK because you are perfectly safe….
2. FORGIVE THEM
Forgive those that belittle your anxiety. They have no idea how terrifying it can feel. Forgive the doctor that dismissed your story and told you to just go home and try deep breathing. Forgive the friend who stopped calling because you no longer could go out. Forgive the boss who placed all that extra stress unnecessarily on you. Forgive them all because they just don’t know how difficult it is without having experienced it for themselves.
3. GIVE THANKS
Stop for a moment and tell your anxiety you are actually happy it is part of your life. That might be the last thing from your mind right now but anxiety will become your ally, not your enemy. Believe it or not, this problem will teach you how to be a BIGGER PERSON!
Anxiety will give you the greatest gift possible, greater self awareness. It may not feel like that now because you are in the eye of the storm but you will come through this and out the other side stronger.
You will WIN in the end.
It reminds me of a conversation I had a few weeks ago with someone who had completed the Panic Away program. She said after so many years of anxiety and panic attacks she could finally see the hidden lesson and gift of anxiety. She now had a rock solid sense of confidence that had not been there before. She felt her old self again. She won in the end and you will too.
Let me show you how to win…
Sign up below to my free 7 part mini-series on ‘How to End Panic Attacks and General Anxiety’. One lesson gets emailed each day.
There is no fee and no catch – just real life changing information all these people have used to end their anxiety. You can unsubscribe easily in one click if you want, so give it a go and see how much better you will feel in just 7 days.
To Your Success….
Barry Joe McDonagh
Author of www.PanicAway.com
J.Costello
Thank you for your message i don’t feel so alone any more.
I still have panic attacks that knocks me out cold at time’s but i’ll have to deal with them one at a time, i now no i’m not the only one with this i’m glad that some one know’s what its all about.
Jerry Johnston
Only the Lord really knows our fears, but yes, us anxiety and panic prone people have fear in common and only we know how rough it is. Thank you Barry for blessing us through Him with your wisdom, Love, your unbelievable kind hearted sharing. Every excerpt you share with us is so very close to our real fears, as it shows us you’ve been there. Sometimes after reading another message that hits the mark of some angle of fear that you’ve found a way to conquer I sometimes forget the list in some order of the quick things one can say to themselves to stop a series of thoughts we can’t seem to stop. If I haven’t said that right I mean you taught us how to deal with this, but why do sometimes we forget the mind has so much power it can throw a series of never ending negative thoughts of a stress related problems were having thats leading to a dumping of adrenaline and even though we try to stop the negative flow of the same what if thoughts, they still always come in and can’t seem to be stopped, even though we don’t seem to care if there here or not. Does that mean we really do care and are just acting like we don’t care if panic does arise? Thanks again for all your heart felt help. Jerry Johnston
john
Thank you for your resent E-Mail. Am still suffering anxiety and have been in therapy for 4 weeks witch I think is helping. Its always good to know that you are not alone in this problem and there are people out there who do understand and know how we feel ,
E. Garcia
Thank You and God Bless You and your loved ones.
Sue
Hi Joe,
Thanks so much for your advice I haven’t looked at panic attack that way as you have explained it to me. The closest people around you don’t understand what we go through with panic attacks and it does me feel bad when there are things I can and can’t do with them for Eg I can’t just drive into town and meet up with them they have to come to my place and pick me up also we can’t park the car in a car park as I can’t go in the lift, so you get restricted and I feel back for them so i make excuses like I feel sick I can’t go out tonight but I just don’t want to burden them with my problems.
But I like the way you explained that you can make the panic attack not your enermy – and the way you say it’s not going to kill you and it’s not dangerous, I’m going to a hyptnosist and I feel like I’m wasting his and my time and he tells me the breathing exercise.
Anyway thanks again Barry,
Sue
lynn senior
I have felt much better since recieving your e-mails,please continue to send them…thankyou.
Andy Novak
Thank you so much Joe for the most uplifting support your most recent Newsletter gives me! Kindest regards from Andy
Amanda Burridge
Thank you for the email i didnt know if you where still sending them! this one really hits home as thats exactly how i feel when its bad. i just want to be normal again and be the best i can be i would love to talk more and learn more ways to overcome and control my anxiety/panic attacks, im stepping up in my job role and want to be the best i can be and not have my anxitey in my way aswell its a daliy struggle..thank you again all the best.
Jose paredes
The most important think to remember is the panic attack is just a thinking IS NOT a reality. When you have a bad thinking jus think in good thing. Example o my goog tomorrow is my firts day in a new job what happen if I can control my self and blablablanla STOP think that tomorrow is going to be the best day in your life and all the people that is going to work with you are nice and you will be so happy.
Clifford Bestall
I want to encourage anyone suffering anxiety attacks to stick with Barry’s program. I had a short but acute episode for around two months when I started reading his newsletters – this is starting to sound like an ad – and over a period of ten days I got to the point where I was challenging the anxiety to re-emerge. It didn’t. Cognitive behavior therapy really has a lot going for it. Thanks Barry .
Jean
Hi Barry,
I’d almost given up getting a response from you… thank you for remembering 🙂
Just want to say thank you for writing and for inspiring me to keep on going.
It’s true, many people who have not experienced a panic attack, have no idea just how bad a feeling it is… I was so certain I was dying. I almost gave up talking about it but when I came across others who have had one, it was such a relief to share and relate.
So far, I have been well and the fight continues.
Please do continue sharing your empowering tips with me, I greatly appreciate it.
Thanks again.
Jean.
Roxy
Hi there!!
Thank you So much for your last mail, i really thought you had disappeared 🙂
I completely can relate to what you are talking about, unfortunately they are a fact of life, no one will even begin to understand until they have experienced it themselves, it’s kind of like a “feeling is believing” issue.
I’m doing a lot better lately as i purchased a book called depression and anxiety free naturally book and it’s opened up a lot of doors for me as well as opened my eyes.
I’m on a lot of natural meds now that are doing absolute wonders but every now and again i still feel helpless and start back at square one, i think it’s more the fear now of it coming back than actually having it, i need to somehow erase these fears from my mind and i should be fine, but have noooo clue how to get rid of such immense fear within me?
Linda
Thank you so much! You are a blessing to all. Keep your beautiful message coming. Mental illness is real, OCD and panic disorder is real! Not only are you helping the victims of these terrible conditions but the families that have to see a loved one suffer. God Bless You!
SHERRY PLUNKETT
I for years have had anxiety didn’t even realize that it was what I was having at the time my anxiety was so severe I would completely pass out at times and there were times I was just fine I recently found out that the key people in my life parents, children and my husband these people were sub post to be my rock and I woke up one day said all my anxiety is coming from them the people around me and how I was dealing with them was causing my anxiety and there problems was even greater than mine they two have anxiety so much it caused us not to communicate openly due to fear of what would happen and now I don’t care what will happen we share any and everything together which makes us stronger. My husband had unipolar depression which he is being treated for now and is doing so much better his depression set the whole mood of our home. Our lives are doing so much better I can say how much your program help me get my live back in order.
Yongyuth
Thank you so much.
Yuth
alan wise
since receiving your letters i have gained all the confidence i kneed.i still get anxiety spells but i can deal with them thanks for your support.
bee hilton
i was going through my emails and yours popped up i clicked on and couldnt beleive what i read it was as though we were old friends as though you had known me for years,it actually made me cry,just to know that someone out therecan relate and understand how i feel .i so ashamed and closed in and alone even though i have people around it seems as though i cannot talk to them about how i feel,i have to put on a false front and people don.t get to see the real me it can be hard and very lonley at times,this is the first time i have ever spoke out to someone about how i am,but your letter gave me a little releif to know that i am not the onley one in this position it may sound mad but is slightly comforting in a way knowing i am not on my own.
keep in touch
conquerer
Hi Barry, I completely forgot about posting on this site when I was in the worst shape over my panic attacks. That was just about 2 years ago from now and I have a lot of great news and input I hope will help people who are in the same situation I was. First, right after posting on this site I decided to visit the doctor (after being in the ER because I thought I was having a heart attack) and all I was given was a prescription for Xanax. 2 weeks later I had another massive panic attack resulting in a second visit to the ER followed by another doctor visit. This time they prescribed me Lexapro, a long term anti-depressant that starts taking effect after a month of use, and a list of Psychiatrists. Then in there I decided that there was no prescription or appointment that would help me get over this, only myself. I knew this to be true, and after about a month I was able to gain control of my attacks and better understand the feelings and downward spiral thinking associated with them. At this point, nearly 2 years later, I do not have panic attacks anymore. There are still certain triggers that occur (heart flutters or skips a beat) that being on the initial negative feelings or anxiety but I can instantly disregard them by telling myself and realizing that I am perfectly fine and nothing bad is going to happen. I was able to achieve this state on my own without the help of prescription pills or psychiatrists, which I knew all along to be the case, and fortunately I am not addicted or dependent on any drugs or person to help me. I hope most of you here will experience the same outcome as it is the most healthy and reassuring feeling to know that you need nothing but yourself to set you free of all the unnecessary anxiety or panic attacks.
nena
Thank you very much for your letter ,it builds up my self confidence and I’m feeling very good now.Not all the time but it’s much better than before.I still feel panic when I have to cross the street where are many cars,when I have to eat in a public place,but I go out and hang around with my family and friends.That’s my progress:)
Rafael Gutiérrez
Dear Barry
Thanks in advanced for contact me. your information has been very usefull to understand panic and anxiety. Every day I have learned to fell me good. I forgot how to live in an normal way. Today I have began to live and enjoy daily things as before I used to.
I have read a lot of articles related with this, where you can find a lot of scientific explanations about biochemical changes that happens in the brain when anxiety is going on.
Well I hope that all people be sure that we are not creazy and that can become normal again as I have been recovering my life again.
best regards.
sorry is my english is not so perfect but isn´t my mathernal language.
Anthony
Thank You for sending the email, I come to understand that alcohol can play a real role in it, I began to understand that every time, I drink for a while, it goes and complicates the anxiety worse, I felt like I was going to nod out, its been 6 weeks since my last drink, and I still get my moments I had anxieties my whole life, but who wants to live with the intense thought of it happening again, Feeling dreamy like you are going to miss out on whats happening in your life, I haven’t went to see a psychiatrist because its the end of the year and I may have to meet a deductable, if I start now then next year I have to meet that same deductable again in January, I live on a budget, Health is more important, this email today I received I’m glad it came through, Please keep sending more updates, This has helped in understanding that I’m not going crazy
Claire
I may not know you personally but from the bottom of my heart I’am so thankful for your help & the support that you have given me from the day I found out about your program,it has been drastically change the way I deal with my anxiety & now I can say I’m totally ok,no more panic attacks.Hope you continue to touch lives & help them with their struggles.Godbless you!!!
vicent
thank you very much. your are alife saver of souls and body .keep on with that heart iam nowachanged person GODbessu
sabkalyan
Dear Barry ,
Thanks a lot for your energy booster !!!
sabkalyan
Joseph
Dear Joe,
Thank you for your email below, what you mentioned here is true. May be you too experience how difficult to fight anxiety. The first time I experience this is really terrible and I don’t know what to do. And I’m very thankful I found your site in internet which help me to understand what I felt and how to cure it.
May the God bless you and wish that all person who have this problem may find you or your curing program.
Lularta
Hello Barry
i just want to take the time to thank you so much for the help given with your program i trully thought it was impossible i had been to all possible doctor visits but there was no hope for me until i came across your program and did wonders it started slowly but as you explained it step by step i was patient witth the step back and finaly made it on the other side of the cloud i feel grea tnow and believe it or not now i preform my duties of Senior HR Generalist with no problem.
thank you very much… bringing one person from fear death to being strong again really a life was born again.
take care and may god bless you
Lati
joey tomaselli
Thank you so much for that email.When i first read what you had to offer i was at my worst and i have come a long way but it has been a long two years.It has made me a better person like you said i am a bigger person because of it.I don’t drink or smoke and i use to smoke weed i stopped all 3 things and dealing with life for the first time as me 100 % me.What you say is true poeple will never understand what i went through because everybody is different and might not understand what your going through.I would not wish what i was and still am going through on my worst enemy.And you have to really forgive all your friends for not bieng ther for you when you cant leave your house and be what you once were as hard as it is.I have more respect for life then before i know what i want more then ever and i dont let things get to me like i use to becaus of this.My advice to others is your not alone and that the sun will come up tomorrow keep fighting and love yourself because you are here for a reason and will overcome this.Once again that email you sent me made me think of my past 2 years and how hard it was and how far i have came and it touched me alot.It takes time but in that time be calm be safe and love yourself and others 🙂
Nicola
Thankyou! You’re email has come just at the right time. Recently my panic attacks have become more problematic again and your words are just what I needed to hear. I know that I am fine and that my fear can not harm me but it’s hard when you are sat in your car feeling so scared and have all the symptoms engulfing you not to believe that this is not going to kill you. I just needed to hear those reassuring words coming from someone who has been there! Thankyou for being there to help others. I do believe that suffering as we do helps you to empathise with others and gives you strength to try and help. There are some positives even though not immediately evident. Please keep sending your news letters they aregreatly appreciated . Thankyou
Mark F
Yes, your advice helped considerably. I was able to thwart attacks by simply staring them in the face and saying, “Go ahead and give it your best.” Just knowing that I could beat this and that it can’t control my life has made a real difference. In fact, I don’t really have any more panic attacks at all, now. Thanks so much for your advice.
Jeffry
Hi Barry,
First and foremost, thank you.
It’s brilliant how you turn your ‘once a problem’ into a successful business as well as hope and even cure to many people with Anxiety problem.
I am 47 since last October and I had my first panic attack when I was 21. It was a dreadful experience for me not knowing what was going on. It happened when I felt the need to ‘burp’, so I did the ‘jumping jack hoping it would release the gas in my tummy. Then , suddenly, I felt that I couldn’t breath and the episode of my first panic attack started. I didnt know it was a panic attack. There wasn’t internet then and there wasn’t enough literature then I could have accessed to. Even worse, the doctors that treated me whenever I rushed to the hospital didn’t even mentioned the word anxiety attack or panic attack. All they said was there was nothing wrong with me physically and let me off by just prescribing some vitamin pills and ‘antacid’.
It didn’t occur to me it was a psychological problem until months later when someone introduced me to a man who he said could cure me. So I met up with this man and and all he did was talk to me asking me about my personal problems…etc. He sound very sincere and almost immediately I sort of confided in him about my personal life. Strangely, he wasn’t even a trained psychiatrist or psychologist but I felt good talking with him. Almost immediately, I didn’t have any of those panic attacks anymore. Actually it didn’ go away, it kind off subsided into a general anxiety. I noticed that I’ve developed this unsual breathing habit.. sighing and ‘throat scratching’ whenever I was anxious or worried. It’s hard to explain this throat scratching thing. I’ll have to demo to you to make you understand. And I still do this up till today, consciously or unsconsciously.
So, the episode of the panic attack ended then, until many years later in my mid 30s. I was then married with a daughter. Work was stressful, finance was in a mess.. the usual stuff. Then it was in the 90s and the advent of the internet. I did a lot of research and reading on the subject. It was then I discovered that there were actually prescribed drugs that people take to overcome this problem. Then also, I realized that there were many million people in the world who have this problem. What a relief !!! Was it? Was that suppose to make me feel better.?
I did try Xanax. It didn’t help me that much. I mean, I didn’t get panic attacks very often with xanax, but the anxiety didn’t go away. I got divorced in 2001 and left my hometown to work somewhere else. I was ok till about 3 years ago. I got mild panic attacks and my anxiety got worst. For the first time I went to see a psychiatrist who prescribed me with combo of klonopin and prozac. That helped a lot… but i read a lot about people getting addicted. I didn’t continue with the medication.
Right now, I still have GAD.. some days it very mild, some days it really bothers me. I still think about panic attacks. I am afraid to do strenous things or exercise because once I start breathing heavily I fear anxiety attack. So I am wondering right if this Anxiety problem or fear of anxiety will really go away for once and for all.To make things worst now is I have GERD. I don’t know if my anxiety triggers the acid reflux or vice versa.
So keep on writing to me I appreciate any good news or hope anyone can give.Thank you again
Hamran H. Hatibu
Currently Iam under treatment without impoment, but after reading how to eliminate a panic attacks
and general Anxiety iam OK.
THANKS.
moses motshabi
keep helping me with those comments they are helpful.
kiran shaikh
thanks a ton, my life has completely changed after reading your mails and now i know how to deal with panic attacks all the credit goes to u keep up the gud work .god bless u.
tricia read
hi barry thanks for giving me a bit of ease with the answer to anxiety and reflux when i have my bad days with reflux i feel worked up in side as if im going to break into an attack its a horrible feeling its gets me that low i just cry my stomache feels funny and the anxiety is preety bad dont no what to do ,does the reflux highten anxiety then i didnt no that im sick of feeling ill x
Suz Nichols
Thanks for this. 🙂 Suz
Malcolm Barry
Keep up the good work and Keep The Faith.
Bunny
What a coincidence, I felt an attack coming on and just took some medication then I get your email. It couldnt have come at a better time. Thank you so much. Its so nice to know that someone understands what we go thru. As for the ‘forgiving’ you mentioned, I agree with most of it except for the forgiving the boss lol.
Thanks again, your advice really helps.
angela
thank you so much for your encouraging email- it came when i really needed it, days after a death in the family and people condemning me because my anxiety prevents me going to help and stay with people over night. they tend to think i’m just being selfish, they think things like ‘well we’re all busy and stressed’- they don’t understand its not the same thing.
Anna
I have been dealing with my anxiety and doing well. My worst thing right now is the Symptoms. I wake up and feel great, get ready for work, go get in my vehicle and start to feel a little off balance. That is my worst symptom. Feeling off balance and having major tension in my neck/head area. I can not even think about getting hot cuz then I feel the panic coming on. I have a fear of going to the Dr’s and Dentist. I don’t know where any of this came from. Never have I had a fear of these things. I need help trying to figure out how to stop the things that linger everyday all day. Thanks
Rudra Precht
Hi! thanks for getting back with me!
My panic attacks started about 10 month ago. Yes, i thought I am going to die.
Yes, I thought I am going crazy.
Yes, most people did not understand what I am going through.
I then discovered your page and started reading. Tears were running down my face because I felt understood, i did not feel alone anymore.
I now don’t have panic attacks anymore, but still have general anxiety.
I usually have it at bed time. I will almost be asleep when it “rips” me out of my sleep like a electrical shock.
Its very uncomfortable but i deal with it.
You did help me ALOT and i should do the exercises more……
Thank you from all my heart, you have no idea….well, i guess you do 😉
Jacquie
Thank you so much for your letter this morning. This is actually not for me but for my son, and believe it or not it has been helping him. This year he is doing great, but last year he ended up on the hospital. School it was the greatest problem. He could not just go inside, and it had never happened before. I do think like you said that people don’t understand, and for us parents is very hard because there is nothing much we can do but to listen and be there for them. Thank you once again for your help. God bless you.!
christine
Hi and thank you for the email and please do keep them coming. It was reassuring to hear how you described the fear and how others who don’t understand it tend to perceive it. I can relate so well because my own husband doesn’t take me seriously and has told me repeatedly that I use anxiety as an excuse to get out of going places with him and that I don’t want to be with him, which is soooo unbelievably not true and the accusation hurts tremendously. I don’t know what I could possibly do to help him understand and how to get myself out of this mess. It’s a lonely and aggravating place to be. Any ideas, resources or support for people who struggle with loved ones experiencing panic attacks and anxiety disorder?
Mark
Thank you for you letter,Yes if only other people understood what this is like they would be of more support I suppose (My wife being one) Thank you again for your insight-it helps!
Dipak Basu
Your communications came handy when I was down. I was able to identify what was causing the panic attacks and have taken some major decision, which helped me to a great extent in overcome the misery, at least for the time being.
Warm regards,
Dipak
Dee
Thank You Barry for taking the time to help others.
You are one of the “unsung heroes”.
Wishing you all the Best!! , Dee
Erika
Dear Berry. How glad I was you contacted me again by email. Sometimes you feel terribly alone trying to explain to your family what is happening and how stress (my husband just had serious surgery) sets off the anxiety at its worst. I know it is a chronic disorder by now – I try to deal with it as good as I can. Therefore, please keep your advice coming.
I thank you so much.
Roni
Thanks for all the information. Its very helpful to me and I always use your technics. Every time I get an attack I think back to your words. Thanks a million !!!
Liz
Thanks for the continuous information……Its been very helpful. I haven’t rid myself of the anxiety altogether but i have total control over it now with reading your posts and talking to others with anxiety. Its been a long year but i am finally at peace and can enjoy my day to day chores and events. I haven’t had a panic attack in over 6 months thank to all your helpful information but stress is unavoidable completely for me as a single mother so there will always be some level of it for me. I have just learned to cope better and my anxiety is almost completely gone. Most day i don’t have it at all but once in a while a get a mild case of it.
Thanks for all the information.
Bryan
All this information has helped so much!
My body does weird things when I have attacks and it scares me to death.
It is good to know I’m not alone and that I can come out of this a stronger person.
I owe you so much!
Jessica
Thank you so very much for writting to me. I have had anxiety and panic disorder with clinical depression going on four years now..I just moved to a new state and my doctor thinks im crazy and wts to take me off my meds and just wants me to see a pysc. Im not to happy with that! But everyday I am getting better just hope it continues.