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Unmasking the shame of anxiety

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I got a call from a woman the other day who wanted to talk about her panic attacks and general anxiety. She is in her early thirties and lives with her husband and kids in a small town.

She told me how anxiety and panic attacks were destroying her quality of life and everyday was turning into a pitch battle.

She used to travel all around the world for work, but today she finds it hard to step out the front door for fear of having a panic attack. She has two small kids and they have needs to be met. She has to get over this for their sake. That’s why we are are talking.

I asked her if she had told anyone else about  anxiety problem besides her husband and doctor.

She explained that she had let a few friends know, but in general she kept it to herself, fearing others might start to gossip about it behind her back. I then asked her what it was that really troubled her the most about her anxiety.

She got a little irritated and said “haven’t you been listening to me? I cant leave my home because of this and I have kids to look after. What could be worse than that?”

“No, I get that”, I said “but what REALLY troubles you about your anxiety?”

There was a long silence. Then after a moment she said, “not leaving home is just the half of it, the other stuff I could never admit to anyone, -I am too ashamed of it”

“Well try me”  I said “I am pretty much a stranger to you and I don’t imagine we will ever meet in person. You have nothing to lose.”

“Okay…so deep down I fear I am losing my mind. Like I am losing  touch with reality. I am not present with my children because I am the whole time thinking about how I am thinking, if that makes any sense?”

“Sometimes I have such disturbing anxious thoughts  of a sexual or violent nature that I truly shock myself” she said as her voice broke with emotion.

Then another brief silence…

 “Random ideas flash across my mind that only a deranged  person would think of…”

“For example?” I asked

“Well, just this morning, I was feeding my little girl and I had this violent thought come to mind. It disturbed me so much I had stop feeding her and lock myself in the bath room for five minutes because I was shaking so much. I mean what kind of mother would think such a thing?”

“I am so ashamed and scared of myself. I would never act on these thoughts but how could I even think them in the first place! That’s what really upsets me the most, I feel I have no control over it”

“So I bet you think I am nuts right?”

“No not at all”, I said, “in fact I think you are perfectly normal. You are a sane normal person suffering from an overly anxious mind mixed with exhaustion and an active imagination. It is perfectly normal. It is not one bit pleasant but it is normal”

I told her that people can often admit to their doctor or close friends about the panic attacks or general anxiety, but they rarely admit to the things that really upset them the most about their anxiety. They hide their greatest fear so deep and suffer in silence because they fear being told they have a real serious problem.

It is normal for example, for such people to be afraid to pick up a kitchen knife in case they go nuts and stab someone.

Or they get anxious at times behind the wheel of a car, for fear of swerving uncontrollably into coming traffic.

Or they hate to stand on a balcony in case they suddenly decide to jump off it.

What these people do not realize is that what they are going through is much more common than they think. These intrusive thoughts are fueled by a cocktail of high anxiety, exhaustion and an overactive imagination. A lot of people suffer from them (even people you know) but they would never admit it. These type of thoughts come with a feeling of deep shame for even having such thoughts in the first place.

In order to end shame you have to unmask it.

You have to admit it first clearly to yourself. You need to be clear in your own mind about what it is that you could never admit to another. Then the healing can occur.

If this is applicable to you and your anxiety, then post anonymously (or with your first name) about it below. When you start to unmask this shame it lessens it’s power over you.

Posting your story will also help others to open up about their own story. So much of getting over all anxiety is about learning to normalize what feels totally abnormal. When you normalize anxiety you drop your resistance to it and that in turn releases the inner tension you feel around it.

If you do not want to post about it, then at least write it down on paper somewhere and expose it to the light of day.

Unmask it now so in time you can gracefully let it go.

Barry

P.S comments posted below are moderated and will take 24 hours or more to appear on the site.

 

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189 Comments

  • GLENDA Reply

    I have OCD and panic attacks. As a child I would wash my hands all the time along with other rituals.
    I would look at a object and think it looked like a penis, I would feel guilty for thinking that. The anxiety would get so bad that I had to tell someone, it was always my mom. Once I told her everything was just
    fine until the next time it happened which was not long after. I have gotten my OCD under control but I have panic attacks only if something major happens in my life that I can’t control. Change is hard.

    • Nathan Reply

      Hello, I have been fighting this condition for years now; this had made a great impact on my career and my life in general. My own family wouldn’t believe that I had this condition and they started assuming that I was too timid to accept life and be competitive. Reality was soon fading and I started building my own wall and circles. I was afraid to talk to people, afraid of conversations and ashamed that I would strike out to be very odd in the pack. Simply, I was afraid to set another foot into the world. I knew I had the will to fight as I was mentally very strong as a child, very agile and enthusiastic. Nothing seemed so interesting and for a fact everything interesting would seem vague to me but I was constantly seeking a break from this condition. This provoked me to read more and get to know more about my condition, once I got a glimpse of it, my guts just pulled me to a situation where I should try and fight more. I used to wake up every day and reassure to me that things are normal and I must fight. I mustered up all my courage and sought help and opinions of many therapists. That did really help; I brought me back to track. I learnt that I had to work on my thought pattern and focus on keeping myself occupied, instead of giving time for idleness and useless thoughts. I worked out and learnt to meditate to keep myself calm. Truly, my inspiration came from my childhood, although I was pathetic as a student or an athlete, I had a strong will, all I had to do was focus on it. When times were too troubled, I used go back and visit those memories from my childhood of how I recover from fear and how easily I took some tasks that proved hard even for grownup’s.
      I believe that people who suffer from such condition are seriously stronger than normal folks; we have the courage to bite it off and get accustomed to fighting. Believe me, when we start to fight, our perseverance level automatically grows without our knowledge and tolerance levels increases. This quality will give us time to make wise and tough decisions. I also believe that god has chosen to give this burden to us knowing that we are survivors and we are better fighters than the others.
      Sometimes, I used to fight with my thoughts and reason with it, when I have a bad shocking thought which is over imaginative; I show the courage to reason with it. I used to think why should I think such a thing and what provokes me to think of such things and I would tell myself that in no way it’s going to overcome the real me. Believe me this is fight to plain eyes but it’s a battle waiting to be won. My advice to people who are recovering from this condition is that the way out of this battle is to win it, so fight, never give up, victory will always be yours.
      Read more, open up to keen helping minds, get suggestions, talk about it to people who have overcome such times in their lives, have positive thoughts and show utmost focus on recovery and how medication can help bringing you back to normal. Focus and encourage yourself, teach your mind to fight and become robust.

    • Victoria Reply

      Hello Everyone! I have been suffering from Panic Attacks for over four months now. They are getting worse. I go through work each and every day with a fast heart rate, dry mouth, chocking sensations,sweaty hands, dizziness, chest pains, numbness and tingling to face, arms and legs. I have been to several doctors and hospitals all sending me home saying I am healthy. It is real scary. I felt so alone till I started getting these daily emails. It has really helped knowing that I am not the only one going through this and that I am not crazy. Some days it is hard for me to get out of bad because I worry that I will have an accident driving my kids to school or when I am on my way to work and I have a Panic Attack. Now I feel like I have the courage to beat these attacks and get back to my normal happy self. I want to be able to enjoy my family again and not worry about having an attack while I am with them. Hopefully soon I will be able to buy the program, but until then I look forward to the daily email, and am grateful for everyone who leaves a comment. It is nice to know that I am not going insane and there are other people out there going through the same thing. Thank you everyone for your time and May God Bless You!!

  • Joe Reply

    I have suffered from anxiety and panic attacks for several years now, and even at times mild depression.The anxiety and panic attacks occurr primarily in the morning upon wake-up. Up until about noon I have this fear of I don’t know what, then generally for the rest of the day I am pretty good until bed time when I start to fear what the morning will bring. I currently take 1.5 mg of Lorazepam upon waking to help me face the day. I don’t usually need any more for the duration of the day unless something I perceive to be threatening to my hard fought peace of mind occurrs. My doctor wants to put me on anti-depressants but so far I have refused as I hope to beat this by myself.I don’t see improvement on a day to day basis,but if I look back to last year and before I can see that I have improved a great deal, so I keep pushing forward.I’ve started looking at Cortisol management as another possible tool.

  • Rena Reply

    I hav just hit a bad bout of panic attacks dat make my life totally unmanagable ….and has left me questioning who or what i really am …i lived in an abusive environment for 19 yrs ..during which time i fell to below rock bottom …i was frightened of everything …a cup …a plate ..everything in life became threatening to me …i shook constantly from head to foot …couldnt eat and had thoughts of ending my life as it had become too difficult to struggle through every day ..when a day felt like a year …now whenever i get emotionally hurt in life i fall right back down to the same place ….and fear that i will again fall to that level …i lose trust in myself ..in my decisions …in even doing small household chores …my inner peace just flies out the window …and im left wondering if this time will it fly back again or just get lost in the wind and never return …and having realized that im doing exactly what my mom did …im worried that i will inflict this cross on my children …which i cant carry myself sometimes …so after a lot of soul searching im ashamed to admit that i feel my emotional development arrested when i was 14 …when i got a vicious beating from my dad ( i have forgiven him and he has moved on to the next world rip)..i was just in the process of finding myself …when i got a subconcious /consious message that i was “bad” “wronged” “judjed” and thrown to the wolves without me even being able to voice my innocence …so i “lost” my voice …became a “people” pleaser and passive instead of assertive …and have remained that way for yrs …im now 55 !…speaking without a “voice”! So now i NEED to face the challenge of becoming assertive …learning to trust me and stand on my own two feet and believing in myself …just writing it down creates fear in me …and questions …can i do it ? am i stong enuf? am i too weak?will i fall down again to rock bottom and have to be hospitalized …so this is where im at ..any help dat doesnt cost money …as im a seperated parent with two kids …will be truly appreciated …thank you

    • Susan Reply

      Reading all of these experiences is like a big group I can relate to with all the thoughts of going crazy fears, fears of being somewhere I can’t get out of if an attack hits, (like in the car or a big public place that’s crowded would be hard to get away from, the feelings of unreality/spaceyness, lightheaded, can’t breath, can’t swallow, fear suffocating, and the horrible feeling of nerves going to pieces and shaky legs. Mine started at age 13 first day back to school that year. No idea why all I could do was feel like I had to run out of the room. I didn’t confide in anyone. Not even my mom. Just put up with it thinking I was nuts and might do something awful but knowing I wouldn’t. Just feared I would.
      Somehow I got better but retained the feeling of needing a security blanket.
      For me that was my mom because I finally confided in her at age 18. When the attacks started in hard and heavy again at age 30, I became so agoraphobic I couldn’t leave the house to go anywhere so I finally admitted myself to a hospital psych unit for help. The antidepressants didn’t help. Made the anxiety worse.
      Once again with talk therapy I did get better, but, never got over being afraid to drive alone or go too far from home.
      Now the time has come that my security is gone. I am now 56 and my mom just died in May. I have no family. Only child. And a 15 year relationship with a man who knew of my anxiety whom I loved and was always there accepting of the panic, broke off the relationship when I needed someone the most: Just before mom died. So I started dating another man at that time whom I moved in with after mom died. I thought I was going to be strong enough to make a life even though I felt anxious inside all the time and didn’t want my partner to know about my panic disorder. Now, 5 months later, the physical sensations are getting so bad I fear I will not be able to continue on without his knowing much longer. I fear he will leave if he finds out. So there the shame is coming into the picture big time.
      I am a cancer survivor also and I just can’t believe he would put up with going through the panic thing with me on top of it all. So I would have no where to turn except government help. Like others, it is worse in the mornings and better by evening. Scary not knowing what is going to happen all because of the panic attacks preventing me from being able to “act normal.”

  • Katie Reply

    I have had panic attacks for 20 years but recently being getting awful obsessive thoughts, first they were about death and dying then about my family dying its awful I don’t want these thoughts and I’ve never admitted them to anyone until now!!

    • Bekah Reply

      I had intrusive thoughts for a short period of time when my anxiety was really bad. It felt like a constant panic attack. I was doing a little research on the subject and came across something related to those thoughts. It basically said that the thoughts upset us because we do not want them to happen. That sounds obvious, but the fear comes from “what if I do this, or that” in all reality you wouldn’t do those things. So the harder we try to push the thought away the stronger it becomes. I had to just let it come. Let it be in my mind and know what I was feeling wasn’t truth. They went away after awhile. It is hard, but I actually went ahead and got on medication. It helped to a major degree. I would reccomend it even if you don’t want to, because it can help lower your adrenaline levels and get you back to a “normal” state that will help you cope with the anxiety.

  • colleen Reply

    I have had anxiety panic and deoression for a very long time. I recently was fired from a job for a stupid mistake; however, I know it really had more to do with my attendance and tardiness. I haveahorrible time getting ready to go anywhete. I get very anxious and draw out the simple tasks of washing face brushing teeth etc.. it takees hours. I get so panicky I get confused,breathles I scream its like there is something pushing me down. i am unable to just get dressed and out the door. I am immobilized i guess its fear. Once at work i am fine. i then have a difficult time leaving work to gI think its insane and i dont know what to

  • Alberto Reply

    My name is Alberto, and I am 23 years old.

    i (believe) have always been emotionally more sensitive than others. But real panic attacks and anxiety episodes happened two years ago. I noticed the quality of my life started to diminish, and that made me very sad and angry.

    Anxious bodily sensations in my case, get triggered when I am surrounded by many people (like in movie theaters, Malls, church..etc). My stomache and throat feels so tight it was dificult for me to breathe and even eat. (when i am at home or someplace “safe” i don’t have this problem)

    This was sooo frustrating, i started to feel sad, vulnerable and helpless… 🙁

    When i discovered this program, i realized it was anxiety causing it. I started to apply what the Book taught me. I have improved soo much! I feel i’m gradually winning my life back. However, when there is a setback, it is still difficult for me to accept and process. Now that i read this story, about shame…I think shame has triggered anxiety in my case. Yes, i feel ashamed and scared that people start suspecting why i behave a certain way sometimes (I do things to cover up anxiety). I feel ashamed of what anxiety has done or is doing to me. I don’t want people to find out because they will start to gossip.

    Now i understand why i feel uncomfortable in public places, I feel ashamed of how i feel and that others with judge or talk about me if i show some kind of “weird behaviour”. I feel ashamed when my stomache gets tight or my breathing gets shallow, and i tend to compare myself to others. This only increased anxiety and the sensations. It makes perfect sense now!

    Thank you for allowing me to discover this about myself. I refuse to give up. I have noticied i’m slowly getting my life back, but Setbacks sometimes make me feel like I haven’t progressed at all. But i have progressed enormously, and i refuse to give up.

    To all of you who are going through the same situations, lets not give in to anxiety. Let’s unmask, accept and embrace how we feel and who we are. Lets embrace our mental chaos into our life, and slowly chaos will loose its power over us. We all deserve a life free of anxiety. Cheers to everybody 🙂

  • Mike Reply

    I have had really bad anxiety for 20 years. I was criminally abused in a religious mental hospital for almost three weeks. I was shamed, guilt tripped, blamed, punished, treated like a child, yelled at and threatened with shock treatment and seclusion. I was told I was paranoid and that I was non functioning. They really tried to break me down. I resisted and called my lawyer to get out. But I suffer from the damage they inflicted on me. I am afraid of my own mind. I fear going out of control. I fear the police pulling me over and me getting out of control and then them shooting me. I fear things I didn’t used to fear. I was really affected by the hospital staff. They wanted to convert me to their religion. They used brainwashing and they did it by force. They had no principles. They violated my boundaries. It was like the mental equivalent of being raped. Cults have a term for it. It is called mind rape. I know this is outside the range of normal human experience but it does put me in the category of persistent anxiety. I wish I could disarm the part of my brain that was affected. I don’t want that experience to overshadow my life in the present. But I do take Ativan and Klonopin. I just want to be the person I was before that hospital stay. I hope I can return to the wan I used to be.

    • Nick Reply

      mike,

      I’m so sorry to hear that you suffered that type of abuse.

      I wouldn’t know how to undo it if it were not for exit counsellors and exit programmers, perhaps you would like to see one? they’re all across the world, and I wonder a good google search will find them for you

      wish you all the best
      love and compassion
      nick

  • Juanita Reply

    I can definitely relate to the woman in your story, Barry! I’m afraid I’m losing my mind and that I’ve become so selfish and narcissistic that no one will love me anymore. I’m afraid to be around people (social phobia) because I’m so much in my own head that I can’t think of things to say to have normal, spontaneous conversations. When I speak, most of what I say has a negative slant to it because I think negative so often. My voice is no longer strong and confident, but weak and loaded with hesitation and fear. Things that I want to do even with my relatives (adult children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, mother, sister, cousins, etc), I’m afraid to do because I don’t think I relate well. I’ve become very isolated and tend to stay in and hardly go to the grocery store unless we’re absolutely out of practically everything, then only want to stay out for as short a time as necessary. I cook less and less because my cooking has totally gone downhill (maybe because of the anxiety and lack of self confidence I have in myself). I take Trazodone to sleep, as well as Celexa and Wellbutrin for the anxiety and depression, but they don’t seem to be working well. In fact, I think I’m getting more anxious and depressed by day. I really wish I could find a way out of this. My life is becoming so closed in and unsatisfying. I feel helpless and hopeless. Any comments or feedback would be appreciated. I haven’t been able to work for a year now because my anxiety interferes with my ability to feel confident doing my job. I’m almost broke and dependent on my mother’s help. My face has gotten an almost constant sad and worried look, and I’m getting more and more worry lines. I need help!

  • Suzie Reply

    I can relate to the article. I hate driving because I am afraid I will suddenly, out of control, turn the wheel to the side. There were times where I was afraid to look in the mirror. My feelings were so weird, I was afraid to see sth that was not there. Like in a horror movie. To me the weird feelings are biological, due to some imbalance in the body system, hormones etc. I picture the happiness hormones being blocked by toxins.
    My anxiety started after an unsafe amalgam removal 3 yrs ago and I recently tested posive on mercury. My baby daughter developed autism at the same time and also tested positive (I nursed for 3 yrs, she got it over breastmilk). So I am pretty sure, that mercury poisoning is one cause of my anxiety, as well as my childs autism. We will chelate with dmps in a few weeks and I am so excited, since I read many success stories on dmps, both on autism but also other mental problems. This program is really helpful along the way to recovery and further because it teaches you to not take thoughts and feelings too serious. To see the bigger picture. I really appreciate your work on panic away. xoxo

  • Nicholas Reply

    My story started 3 or so years ago, when I court my wife cheating on me, I was devastated beyond imagination and just out of the blue, I heard a pop sound and had a sever panic attack and that was the start of the whole process of anxiety/panic. For me the anxiety has come off in layers, as I would make peace in my heart regards an issue so it would disappeared, i truly feel and know that after 3 years i am at the end of it. The thing that bothered me the most is the violent thoughts I would have towards my wife, oh yes we are still together and are more in love now than we ever were, strange? She is my soul-mate, I had a dream many years before I met her that i would be marring this woman and when we met it wasn’t long and we were married. Anyway the violent thoughts are the last of it, i am not a violent person but it scares the bleep bleep out of me when these thoughts pop into my mind about hurting her and it is something I have kept to myself as I don’t want to scare her, as I know I wont act on those thoughts. I discovered though that I had not dealt with the anger I had towards her for what she did and decided to talk to her about it and since then the fear has lost its sting, I still have the odd thought but the power it had is fading.

    I would like to encourage you guys, don’t hide how you feel, find someone to talk to and you will see the monster has no teeth and will slowly fade away.

  • Jeremie Keithley Reply

    My name is Jeremie. I have ‘lived’ with panic attacks and generalized anxiety since my fiance died from cancer almost 3 years ago and I experienced my first full blown panic attack. Prior to that time I was a driven, outgoing, lighthearted, fun and energetic person.
    The daily feelings of anxiety, heart palpatations, weakness, foggy head, tension headaches, body aches and more have led to a very hard to shake fear that something is wrong with my heart. This of course has led to shame that I feel I cannot or am not the man the my now wife and kids need in their lives and am not providing security for them. I have been checked out and am in good health. The thought patterns are the hardest things to change. These negative pathways in the brain are so very hard to replace. This of course has led to more struggles in life that my now negative brain focuses on instead of being able to see the wonderful and positive of life.
    This program has given me a new way to go head to head with my anxiety. I rarely have a panic attack anymore. My generalized anxiety is becoming lower, although I still have really rough days, and I am slowly retraining the pathways in my brain so that I look at the positive side of each situation.
    My goal is to be able to continue to pull back the use of lorazepam and over the next few moths end its use all together.
    Thank you Panic Away for providing a new way to go head on with panic and anxiety and to start to take back the life that is stolen by this crazy adversary!

  • Tim Reply

    For many years I kept all my emotions bottled up. Not being honest with others for fear of being exposed as not genuine in my Faith (I understand how foolish this was but I did not deal well with conflict and have been anxious as long as I can remember). Needless to say this only works for so long without consequences. I was finally honest and my Family was hurt. I was left with no friends two of my sons not seeing me. Nothing left but living with the consequences. I developed Tinnitus two years ago at the worst of my anxiety. I am going to counseling and trying to work through things but each morning I wake up anxious with the tinnitus and regret. Then when the anxious feelings start I feel out of control and all my anxiety and focus switches onto the tinnitus. Virtually everyone habituates to tinnitus but I have not been able to. Find myself sinking into myself. Trying to fall back and control my anxiety by trying not to think about it, which is futile. I am afraid because I feel at times completely hopeless. I am afraid of failing to get better for what anxiety will that cause my sons. I wake up feeling anxious first thing in the morning, and short of staying busy there are few peaceful moments. I am afraid of not being able to control my anxiety or deal with it. I am afraid of being this way the rest of my life.

  • linda Reply

    i have been dealing with panic attacks for the last several months.. one night i was opening up to my husband about what i had been going through and right away he said that i was going crazy.. just like his first wife. well, this sent me into a panic attack right then and there. fear gripped my heart. i began to think what if start hearing voices and what if i start to think that people are watching me… it was awful.. in addition, anxiety has magnified the tinnitis (ringing in ears) and sometimes i obsess that someone is calling my name. (i know that it’s my own scary thoughts) but it complicates this matter. i am seeing a therapist but have been too ashamed to share this because i think she will send me to a physc ward or something. i am a mother, grandmother and work full time. i feel that i have improved but this is bugging me. i just want the anxiety to go away so i can go on with my life. (signed embarrassed)

  • jesse Reply

    I am a licensed psychotherapist and I suffer from Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I often feel so much shame. I am supposed to be helping clients with their anxiety and emotional problems and I often shake so badly that I can hardly hear them. It all began after a gruelling internship that was required to become licensed. It has been a year and through the se of the Panic Away Program, anti anxiety medication and consistent practice I am finally getting better. I now know that for the reminder of my life I will have to take better care of my emotional life. I must identify antecedent stressors and catch it sooner. I often feel defective and I know that I must deal with those irrational thoughts. I do know that there is hope for people like me, that we are in control and that there is good help out there. The techniques in the Panic Away Program work if we work them!

  • David Reply

    At least I’m not alone. Makes me feel a little better.

  • Chris Reply

    I have been suffering with anxiety/panic attacks for about 10 years now. The first one that I had was in a restaraunt with some college buddies. I remember quite vividly the intense feelings of dread and fear and that I was going to die or at least pass out. I remember running to my car and my legs were like jello and I was so dizzy with fear. Fast forward 10 years, the hardest part for me is the physical symptoms that seems uncontrollable. The fast heart best, constantly dizzy, the worrying, being out of breath just walking to the mail box. being too hot, and chest pains that go through me to my back between the shoulder blades seems like they are killing me. I don’t talk to anyone about my anxiety issues, cause I believe they won’t understand. I used to be so fun and full of life, but now, I keep to myself and sometimes don’t leave my house for days. I get real panicky driving and always find excuses to not go out of my comfort zone to meet up with friends. This life sucks and I want the old me back. I have made some progress but I still need help in getting my life back. To anyone out there that has just been diagnosed with this or thinks they are experiencing these types of symptoms, remember that the anxiety is not you, you fuel it with negative thoughts about yourself. You have control, I know it doesn’t seem like you do, but you do!!! I can tell you till I’m blue in face that there’s nothing wrong with you, but you have to reach down and believe with all you are that it’s just anxiety! You can’t pass out from panic attacks and being anxious, you won’t make a fool of yourself in public because 9 chances out of 10, nobody knows how anxious you are and quite frankly doesn’t care either. Stop living inside your head so much and let your body go, if you have a heart attack, then so be it! Stop worrying about something that probably will never happen! I know the physical symptoms are very frightening to day the least and you feel like you’re losing your mind, but you are not losing your mind. It’s clinically impossible for this to happen, no one has lost their mind because of anxiety/panic attacks. My advice is to be easy in yourself and don’t care what others may think of you and your anxiety, true friends will be there to help when needed. Nobody can truly understand what we are going through until the outside world experiences this. Keep your head up, and flow with the anxiety. Don’t try to deny its existence and wish it away, total acceptance is key with alleviating anxiety and learning that you are perfectly safe. I know with myself, I feel a heck of a lot safer at home than I do driving or being out at the movies or grocery shopping. But understand this, anxiety attacks will come to you no matter where you are. Just because you feel safe at home, don’t fall into the trap of staying home all the time and laying on the couch. This will only isolate you from the outside world and cause phobias and you’ll find yourself making excuses to never leave your home. Get out and enjoy life! We only get one time to experience this lifetime, don’t hurt yourself by never leaving the house and obsessing about “what if” if you go out somewhere. Does this sound a little familiar to anyone? I’ve been through the worst parts of anxiety and I’ve come to a realization that I will not live my life in fear and regret. My family and friends mean too much to me to not be in their lives every day. Sure, I have decent days and crappy days, but keep your head up high and have confidence in yourself that you are in control and nothing in this world is physically wrong with you!

  • Lisa Reply

    I had my first panic attack at 17 years old after having a crazy thought pop into my head about hurting my mother(who is my best friend by the way). I continued having these obsessive thoughts and subsequent panic attacks for years until I finally found out why I was getting them. Once you can confidently remove the mask that Barry speaks of, you can start feeling more confident in knowing its just an exhausted, anxious mind that causes the obsessions, whether it be morbid thoughts, or any other type of OCD behaviour. I’m now 45, and happy to report that as a person who was once so agoraphobic, and felt I couldn’t leave the “safety” of my home, I am living a happy healthy life as a wife, mother, group exercise instructor, and personal trainer. I have found that my own exercise regime has kept my anxiety down, and I highly recommend this as part of your recovery. I also try to limit things in my diet that can trigger anxiousness, such as caffeine, alcohol and sugar. I still have not flown in over 8 years, for fear of having a panic attack on the plane, but I’ve set a goal to take my first flight before this year ends. I know it’s hard for others who have never gone through this to fully understand, but just know you’re not alone out there. Literally millions of people, young and old suffer and recover from this. Remember to have faith in yourself and never give up! We’re all in this together! Blessings. 🙂

  • Hanna Reply

    I dont want to write about it, But I want to say to everyone and my self, hold on, keep your faith cause I know we vill se better days.
    We have to feel trust in ourselfs, when our emotions and bad thougts is coming… We must let it go.
    We must belive in ourselfes that we deep in our hearts know what is reel or not.
    And we must love ourselfes whith or whitout the panicsattacks and strange thougts.
    Do everything you are afraid to do, and if you feel happy just five sekunds of one our… Be happy over that five sekunds instead of angry or depress over the rest of time you Did only feel fear and unhelpless or achamed because someone saw you, cause it dosent matter.
    Just be proud over you self and next time you for exempel go to the shop or something you maybee feel
    free for TEN wonderful sekunds!!!
    And that feeling is so wonderful that you just want more and more and if you trust yorself… Your soul will show you more tvinga you can do to feel so free.
    Some days you can not go out from your door… But do then I chose… Think thats ok to stay at home to day, or go out and really meet your fears…and maybee feel free and happy for just some sekunds … Or … Maybe some minutes!!! And if the panik comes… Just know that you were so strong who Did it. And if it didnt kill you this time… It will not the neext eather. Maybe you whas afraid to die or be crazy….but it would be worse if you didnt nothing at all… And just sittning in the sofa in your home, and you know that.. Dont you!? So we must keep our faith and Belive that we can start living again… We can!!!!
    We vill all die one day.. And we want to live befordra that day!!!
    Thankyou Barry for every mail! I always reed them! And i always try to do my best to prakticale everything you are writning. It is not always easy, but i do my best.
    You have so much knowledge absolut life.
    Hanna

  • TT Reply

    I have panic attacks from time to time and they usually consist of signing documents or filling out forms in front of people. The funny thing is I have great handwriting, but when I am around people I begin to shake..
    I have been using your techniques and they help. I have told those closest to me about my anxiety and they’re supportive. I just started a new job and I want to do well… but, I am not putting to much pressure on myself as that causes more anxiety. It can be a vicious cycle as sometimes I do well and other days I have a setback,, which you discuss in Panic Away so I am not beating myself up!!!

    Thanks for allowing me to post this and thank you for your website.

  • Jennifer Reply

    I’m battling anxiety after a traumatic battle with postpartum thyroiditis. It caused my heart race and the. Beat really slow. I thought my heart was goin to stop. Some drs told me it was my heart and that I probably had sick sinus syndrome and might need a pacemaker. I even had a cardiac ablation. I am a nurse so I understand the realities of these things in way too much detail. When someone finally listened to me about my thyroid I was very fearful of dying and leaving my newborn twins my six year old and my husband without a mother and wife. Long story short… I freak out with anything to do about death or dying or heart issues. I can’t watch the news or listen to anything concerning death. I am taking an antidepressant and xanax for the bouts that happen daily. I quit my job and bought my children’s daycare so I can be home with them. My nursing job was huge stressor and so far I do not regret the pay cut. It has taken me since september to accept my anxiety as a part of me and not be ashamed. I am still a good person and a great mom/wife. Aside from meds my bible has been the greatest assistant to me. Perhaps this is what I needed to get on the right path with God. I pray one day to not have to carry the xanax everywhere… Until then I will carry my bible.

  • Anon Reply

    Yep, I can relate too, same symptoms, same thoughts, same beautiful children. Also the same driving thoughts as another person commented. I am over these particular symptoms now, made peace with it. The way I see it, if there was a real threat, the body would produce adrenalin, the mind would focus on the threat. But because our bodies are doing things in reverse, the adrenalin comes, no threat is perceived so we internalize the threat diagnosis, looking for any potential threat. As Barry says, we then imagine the silliest things. Our imagination is truly over active. It doesn’t mean we want to harm, it means we are go to extremes looking for threats, asking questions. Its just threat diagnostics, not intention.

    As for the small town stuff. Yes, it can be clicky- but communication is important. I am a male, I have told plenty of folk at the school, makes school activities a hell of a lot easier with other parents being supportive. Those that choose not to understand are people you don’t want to associate with anyway. Let them be. Practice gratitude every day (or every chance you get) to help clear the embarrassment. Visualize everyone in the district with positive caring qualities, then thank each soul for being here on this earth with you, extend your love to them. A few minutes of that each day will help give you peace. Be grateful for your anxiety too, it came to teach you something, give your anxiety meaning, give yourself purpose.

    If you have great trouble explaining things when you are struggling at a public event, just tell folk that you have a problem with your adrenal glands or system. Those who understand such things will probe further beyond this partially false statement, those who don’t understand will atleast have something physical they can reconcile.

    I couldn’t make it to the letter box a year ago. Now I can make it to the village, perhaps next week or next year I will make it further. I have struggled for years but I am slowly getting better. This program has been a great help. It is about time I used the private forums though.

    Your body does what you tell it to do. You always get to choose, even if it may not seem so at the time.

    Be patient, you don’t have to be better by tomorrow. That kind of pressure can hurt progress. If you can relearn to choose to feel happy for a few minutes now, that will pay more dividends than worrying about tomorrow or how you are letting the kids down and will allow you to enjoy moments of true quality time. Use the 7 minute exercise to help. When you do the exercise, smile. Notice how for a moment the smile feels foreign, then truly smile. This will help you understand choice.

  • Sanda Reply

    First I have to apologize for my English as it is not my first language.
    I can relate to the woman in the article. I am trying to fight the anxiety and the thing I’m scared the most is the fear of losing my mind and hurting someone I love. I have two beautiful kids and I’m really afraid when violent thoughts appear in my mind. They appear for no reason at all, last for a second but then I cannot stop thinking about them and wondering why they appear and then I spend the entire day thinking about what I’m thinking and how I’m feeling.
    Why these thoughts appear in the first place? Are those kind of thoughts a signal that I will lose my mind tomorrow or the next month?

  • Ride Reply

    Here it comes! I don’t really share my experiences with anybody other than my husband. Not even with my mother or my siblings. My co-workers are not even aware. I once told my sister but I could tell that I don’t make any sense to her and she does not know what it is. I don’t share with anybody else for fear of rejection I guess or fear that I may sound stupid or sound like a crybaby to them. I am in my 30’s also and I have two teenagers now and one minor. My anxieties started about 3 years ago having gone through a seizure episode and having sensed everything that I went through. This experience left me worrying that I might die soon being diagnosed with high blood pressure and knowing how anxiety can make you feel,it might result in serious problems. Hearing talks about death triggers some of my attacks. Flying was not a problem to me before but now it makes my heart beat at the mention of it. I guess my deepest concern is if I die soon from my children and my husband. What would become of my children? What would become of my husband having witnessed some families without a mother or a father? For some of the families where the mother is the one gone, the children suffers when the father remarries. Where the father is gone, the mother suffers because she is a threat to married women. This kind of thought is probably what worries me the most and causes my anxiety about dying. I don’t want my family to go through that. And God help me and you all as well.

  • Christian Reply

    Let me just say, as much as we believe that everything happens fror a reason and we WILL come out of this better and stronger with a life we never thought was even possible, the situation is nevertheless hard and horrible. It’s unexplainable. It’s as if we cannot control ourselves. We’re like puppets. You simply don’t feel OK all day. You don’t feel good. Yes we have moments where we laugh, we talk, we work, etc. but the basis is just not OK. The continuous anxiety is horrible. The symptoms are horrible. And i haven’t shared thsi with anyone. Yes i am ashamed. I don’t want people to think i’m weak, or crazy, or worry about me or pitty me. I am 10% capable of taking care of myself and I will, and am, coming out of this phase once and for all. I will recover 100% and quickly. In the meantime, it’s true, it’s very hard, it’s exhausting, the symptoms ruin everything, and you just want to lock yourself up and disappear but you can’t coz you have to work, go out, socialize, and continue living. I do not accept coping with this, but this is bad sometimes because it’s as if i’m not accepting it. I’m struggling with the concept of why this has happened to me. I know why biologically and mentally, i know im not sick nor ill, i am predisposed that’s it. But still I hate it. It’s painful. I hate the symptoms. It’s tiring. Headaches, back pains, dizziness, DEREALIZATION, etc. Anyway, i let it out. Finally. Yes i think sometimes that this is the end, im gonna have this for life, im never gonna be normal again, etc. but it doesn’t make sense. It’s just anixety. And im letting it control me, that’s why i feel that way. But im adopting the 21-7 and i am sure it will go away and I will get my life back it’s just a matter of time. I still go out every day, full tiem job, dinners, cinemas, lunches, i travel. Yes it’s annoying and i am coping with it but now i won’t cope anymore, but will welcome it and dance with it until it goes away completely. Once the panic attack go away, the GAD will also go away with the 7 min exercise, and eventually all the symptoms will disappear.

  • Darren Reply

    I suffered a major panic attack in December 2011, prior to this i had been having a stressful time at work , and unknown to me this was having a major effect upon my health / wellbeing , it started with having heart palpatations ,which started to worry me because i didnt know what was causing it , then this escalated into thinking that i had some heart problems , then one day these symptoms worsened , then bang ! i had a major panic attack that left me total wreck for Months . After weeks of feeling these problems / heart palpatations which again resulted in another attack , i had to do something about it as it was taking over my life ! so i got myself checked out , heart , lungs , blood tests , the lot ! and came back ok ! so once i knew this , i started to rationalise my thoughts , and soon established that stress was leading to my heart palpatations , leading me to panic ! so i thought if i control my stress levels , and this will control my panic attacks ,. I changed my lifestyle by going swimming , eating the right food , and having a more calming life ! and its working . People do have different circumstances, but the feelings are the same , but the most common factor in all cases is that you must get to the bottom of your worry that is making the panic attack kick in , once you find the underlining cause , you must deal with that , and reduce the Anxiety in your life as much as possible by talking about your problem with friends / family , even laughing and enjoying being outside takes your mind off the Anxiety , thinking about good times , and lead a normal life as possible , its not easy , but dont ever give up , you will make it !.

  • Tarun Reply

    hi
    i am facing the anxiety, fear to sleep.as the night approaches i start having a fear i have to sleep
    and again i ll have a trouble in sleeping.
    i sleep well but the fear keeps me awake sometimes. im 34 and suffering from this problem last 2 yrs.
    this fear keeps me disturbed whole day, and i find my self lost in thoughts of over coming it.
    this fear make me emotional weak and drains out my energy.

    fear to sleep alwyas stops me to stay overnite to some other place and even i stop myself going out of country.
    please advice if some help to my case

  • Milan Panta Reply

    Hello! My name is Milan and i am from Nepal. I was so covered with fear and anxiety. And when i used to dwell on it, i was more and more dominated by my feelings over my life. I had panic attack at the age of 16 and now i am 20 and i know the way to cure anxiety. Yes i know you are agoraphobic. You should also know that i was also agoraphobic when i dwell on those anxiety thoughts. But now i am free of it. I want you to try what i did. I am sure you will overcome it. Yes it takes a little time but you will of course. First of all don’t hide it from your family members or friends. Expose to them what you actually feel about it. You will be surprised that when i first exposed my feelings after 4 years to my sister, i felt like i was in heaven. I mean i was feeling really calm about my situation. So my first suggestion to you is to say what you actually feel to your nearest first. okay. Now when you expose it to others, you will surely feel a little bit calm about yourself and what you are suffering. Isn’t it great? Yes, it is because this is the first and foremost process of healing of your agoraphobia, anxiety and panic attack. The second suggestion for you is that now after you have exposed yourself to others now try not to thing yourself guilt of anything. I mean to say that don’t regret of your past that happened because the past is past and has nothing to do with present so think of present that what you like to be. Have a vision of being healed.Any kind of vision that comforts you and says to you that you are not only healed but you are talking infront of a great mass. Now the third suggestion to you is that go out and do whatever is in front of you. Don’t ignore it. If you will have panic attack at that time then nothing will happen, the choice you made of doing that you don’t like to do after those 2 suggestions will make you run in third phase of healing.
    Always do this. When you are going out or doing something that will make you feel worry, don’t get distracted by it because you are already at the process of healing. Accept everything. Accept what you have .ie. panic attacks,agoraphobia.etc. Accept everything that comes in front of you.
    And the last and the most most most important thing for you to do is to BELIEVE THAT YOU WILL GET WELL. While you are in bathroom or walking down street or at bed SAY THAT I AM HEALED. Say it.Say that I AM ALREADY HEALED. Saying this you will slowly start to believe what you say and when you believe automatically, you will be healed.. I am 100% sure that you will be healed. Jesus bless you…. This is my life experience and i didn’t get any help of others to get rid of agoraphobia but only one helped me . He is JESUS. He gave me the wisdom to get healed and i am for sure if anyone applies this suggestion he/she will get healed 100%. 🙂

  • Triii Reply

    I began having anxiety and panic attacks after I was diagnosed with a blood clot in my lung from birth control. I was so afraid of dying, I would never want to leave the house, but had to force my self. I would be so entangled inside that I thought I was going crazy. I was/am afraid to speak of it to people because they would think I was crazy. I went totally clean in my recovery, no gluten, sugar, yeast, dairy, artificial anything, or any medicines. So, now I am afraid to step out and eat any thing “bad for you” because I don’t want to get sick or have any more attacks. It is like being trapped by your fear. Ugggg, I have read Panicaways stuff for a while now and I remember when he said “a panic attack cannot kill you” it really struck something in me, I started to say to my attacks “bring it on” and they would not come or be very dull.

    Being anxious about anxiety was my worse enemy. I am very thankful for these kind of talks, they prove that we are normal 🙂

  • Sara Reply

    I have suffered with OCD since the age of 12, and now at age 40, I’m still ‘dealing’ with it. It’s always been of a waxing and waning nature, but the past 10 years I’ve had OCD pretty bad and constant although it’s now starting to get more manageable.

    My type of OCD belongs to what has been termed Pure-O (pure obsessional OCD) where thoughts usually concern things such as responsibility, religion, sexuality, violence etc. and the compulsions aiming to dispel them are mainly internal mental rituals such as problem solving and analysing, more than overt compulsions (although I’ve got some of those too).

    My thoughts have varied a lot over the years (disease, harm, what if I’m stupid etc etc). but seem to have gotten stuck on sexual themes: I’ve been worried about being attracted to my mother, father, brother, friends of my parents and sometimes the odd child but mostly my own same sex friends – although I have always been attracted to men (yes, I’m a woman :)). The thoughts don’t tally with what my own experiences actually are…or they twist something that I actually enjoy.

    Usually they go something like this: ”I really like my friend, she’s the best ever”….and then the anxiety chips in…”but why do you like her…and in which way…and how much….why did you even think that you like her so much, it must MEAN something”. Or ”What if I should start fancying this woman all of a sudden (it can be a friend, a colleague, or any random woman) – what if?…. would that be possible just like that when I haven’t been attracted to women before, how would I know in that case, how could I be sure – she’s very beautiful…why do I think she’s beautiful, is it because I’m gay…oh no, I feel really anxious just looking at her now, what does that MEAN, that I fancy her!??? Or that I’m afraid of fancying her!?” etc etc etc. Ad infinitum.

    My other worry is that I have upset somone, without being aware of it…I can go over past conversations and situations in my head….”Hey, what happened there…did they look a bit funny when I said that? Should I not have said it? Or didn’t I say enough? Should I have offered to help? Should I just text now and ask if they need any help? Oh no, they probably don’t ‘t want to be my friend anymore – I’m not a good friend anyway”. Und so weiter, und so weiter…

    Have sought help before but have never really received appropriate, targeted treatment – many therapists (UK) don’t seem to get Pure-O and are very ignorant as to how to deal with these thoughts. Often I have not been able to open up fully, for exactly the very reason that Joe describes in his story above: shame and a fear of being misunderstood. Quote from above: ”but they rarely admit to the things that really upset them the most about their anxiety. They hide their greatest fear so deep and suffer in silence because they fear being told they have a real serious problem.”

    What has helped me has been many different things, Panic Away being one of them – mindfulness another. It’s a slow process, not a quick fix. Mediation, relaxation (well, with two young kids this can be tricky) but just generally trying to chill out and gain a perspective, getting used to the anxiety as just something nomal, thoughts as just thoughts. Not as easy as it sounds, but a work in progress.

    So now I take the risk of being misunderstood here 🙂 and post my story – hoping that it can help someone else and indeed dispel some of the huge amounts of shame and fear that I’ve felt and still feel, although to a much lesser degree. Because this is what’s happened lately, to me: I have started to see the shame and the fear for what it actually is. Fuel for the anxious fire. Without fuel the fire will eventually cease to burn.

    Love and Good Luck to you all in putting water on your fire instead!

    • Nancy Reply

      Wow sara…i can so relate! Ive had sexual obsessions (along with many more!) for 14 years now…and its been around so long and ive compulsed for so long that i feel like its become all too real…i treat it like a serious threat unless i begin to overly obsess..whivh is when it gets very obvious that it is ocd. I so relate to the feeling of getting things twisted. I never really understood that…but i realized that was happening only rexently. I would find ppl very beautiful…or obviously overly sexual…but i would automatically get a hit of anxiety…and the thoughts start..and confusing my anxiety with attraction….but the twisting part is what keeps it powerful… I know very well i dont want to be with a woman..never have wanted. My main issue i realized is not fear of wanting to have sex with a woman or anything like that..but merely getting “turned on” which actually makes no sense…but it bothers me so much because my mind and anxiety can easily fool me with that one. I went to manyyy psychs and they all diagnosed me with ocd….one however told me that i might have some “underlying attraction to women”….now you can imagine how i exploded…this is exactly what anyone with ocd fears most! Someone telling you that u actually feel the way u fear…after a breakdown i read about how many not so ocd knowledgeable psychs will mistaken your pure-O ocd for something real. Sara i completely understand what ur going through! We should talk about this..let me know if you want my email.

      • Dave B Reply

        I can definitely relate to the posts about OCD related to sexuality doubts as well as self harm. I often have repeating ideas that will play in my head all day with the message you are gay, you are gay, you are gay. I think this if I don’t breathe fully some breaths, I think this if I misspeak, I think this if I’m walking too fast, I think this if I am wearing a brighter colored T shirt or shoes.

        I know in my heart it’s not true. I know I enjoy sex with women, and I also know what someone was talking about when they say it got spun in a different direction after the fact where I start having ideas that maybe I didn’t like it, maybe it didn’t make me happy, etc.

        I actually tried oral sex with a man several months ago (the most rampant of my repeating sexuality doubts) just to see if these annoying ideas had any real bearing in my actual life (as opposed to my mental life :)) As I expected, I found the act really gross, nearly vomited, felt I had done enough to convince myself permanently and just be done with that type of obsession, but a few days later, the ideas came back and now they are here again.

        I also have obsessions about hurting myself, even though I love myself and know I would never do that. Ideas about putting my wrist in the street to be run over – Ideas about taking a pair of scissors at work and shoving it into my wrist – Ideas about smashing my head against the shower wall as hard as possible.

        I was doing soul searching and think the source of it all is my teenage years – my parents divorced, my first girlfriend and I broke up shortly after, my uncle died in 9/11 and I got kicked out of school 3 years in a row for bad behavior. My dad told me I was an embarrassment to the family, he also said he’d kill any of us sons if we were gay (he wasn’t serious but it spooked me!)

        I didnt date/hookup with any girls until college (5 years!) because I was so damn embarrassed about my parents divorcing + getting kicked out of school. I was also questioning my sexuality as every teenager does, though I didnt actually feel free to test my sexuality at the risk of losing family acceptance and approval (per my dad’s words). Sitting in this state of questioning for years and years, I think I was left feeling stuck, convinced I was gay without experimenting.

        Not until college did I start being sexually active again – I learned I enjoyed sex with women yet wasn’t sure how it fit with my previous conclusion of being gay. The ideas weren’t rampant then but I still wasn’t sure what to make of it – they got very rampant later in the midst of a 3 year relationship with my ex girlfriend. They have continued into current day, even though I still date and sleep with women, enjoy the sex, see how happy it makes me to be out dating and getting what I want, only to have the ideas be twisted and the obsessions come back.

        I know I’ve won as I live my life the way I want to – it still hurts though and I do worry about telling my next partner about these ideas, but that would not be fair to myself to not date or see women and just silently hurt because of the embarrassment and shame I feel for these ideas that I can’t control. I’ve been practicing talking about these ideas I have and the guilt/shame I feel about them to my close friends recently, and it’s made me feel better/less alien/less crazy/less alone.

        What a tough burden, but here’s to sharing my experiences with you, and I hope somebody sees this and it makes them feel less alone 🙂

  • Eric Bencini Reply

    Hi Tim, I can relate about all the anxiety… But had to share with you what I accidently found that makes ringing tinnitus simple vanish! One day (a long time ago) I was very stressed and experienced a ringing tone in my right ear… It wouldn’t stop and was driving me nuts! I got so frustrated I started making the same tone or pitch by humming back at it with anger… Nothing happened until I matched the note in my ear with the humming I was doing, and within seconds it stopped! That’s right… once I hummed the same pitch/note/tone it disappeared completely! It tried to came back and I just hummed the same pitch back at it and it vanished!
    Every once in a while I will hear it start, but I just find the same note with a continues hum and it’s gone just like that! Let me know how it works by sending me a message on Facebook – Eric Bencini. Take care!

  • cygent Reply

    I have these stupid n sometimes ugly thougts of hurting my loved ones… feel out of touch with reality & always worried WHAT IF! Afraid of hurting myself like being in some bad situation breaking a leg n not being in my comfort zone n having a way to escape. Even I avoided flying, meeting friends, interviews, lunches, not being driver in another’s car etc. avoiding LIFE basically & it just aggravated the situation! Eventually lost my job & physical health but I feel I am on the path to recovery as the panic was fuelled by having some Extremely TOXIC people in my life! I have gotten rid of them, but still have to kick them out of my head to feel even better! Thank you for reading!

  • Joachim Reply

    I have been dealing with anxiety and panic-attacks for at least 5 years. I have even been to hospital because of it once. They ran all the tests and my blood pressure was way up. They studied me over a night and on the morning they let me go. I still can remember this highly educated and smart doctor looking at me, trying to figure out what was wrong. Then at a split second I could see from her look that she got it. She just stared at me eye-to-eye and it was at that moment I understood she understood that I was dealing with a Panic attack. When I left the hospital I couldn’t help thinking “what if they missed something, what if they just didnt run enough tests ? ”

    After a long time from that experience I finally understood that there was nothing wrong with my heart. It took a long – long time to understand it. Even now I can still sometimes start anxiously think about that maybe there is something wrong and fuel that thought with something like “Now my heart beats again faster, and yet again it beats faster – there has to be something wrong here”. I understand finally now that I do it all to myself. It has been a big step for me that I actually did that to myself, that there was nothing really wrong with my body it was just my anxious mind which plays the tricks on me. Also even bigger step was to understand the power of your own body. This was really huge, since I totally understood that my body could actually take care whatever I threw at it.

    Unfortunately I have had now these ashamed thoughts going on in the past where it was exactly like barry wrote: your mind tries to find things which upsets you and after a while it does. For me its my kids and the negative anxious thought’s that surround my head.

    Its truly awful what kind of bull your mind can cook when you really have an anxiety problem and too viivid imagination. I of course do realize that none of those negative emotions and though’s have no reality what so ever, but its just awful what a person can tease itself with.

    When I have thought about something negative it gets me upset and I have to leave the room in order for me to settle down. They are so upsetting. Thank God I have now realized that they are only because of my too anxious mind and that I’m seeking to upset my already anxious mind with something. I truly am seeking something which would upset me. And after a while when you sort of get afraid of that thought process – you will find something which upsets you.

    I’m truly greatful for Barry for keeping the good work and that he really cares about helpin out with this problem, which so many of us have. God bless you Barry! And thanks for all who have the patience to read through my post 🙂

  • Mariah Reply

    Hi, I’m Mariah. I’m 21 and been struggeling with anxiety and panick attacts since I was about 10. It all started with a random panick attack for no known reason. It was so traumaticing to where every simular situasjon would trigger a new panic attack. For years I would just avoid all the triggers, like going to sleepovers, school trips and all kinds of fun stuff with my friends all my childhood. At one point I was not even able to go to school. That got better pretty fast. Did homeschooling for a couple of months and then I was able to go back to school.
    Now I’m just at home, not working or going to school. In many ways the anxiety has gotten alot worse the last couple of years. More things triggers it and things I had fun doing 3 years ago is a huge challenge now. Even tho I feel like it’s worse now, I feel more in power of it. When I’m in the middle of a panic attack I’m completely able to think clearly. I KNOW its not dangorous and that eventually it will go away. I’m not trying to fight it anymore, just let my body do whatever it needs to and be done with it.. The thing that scares me now is to have a panic attack in public. What people might think and talk about behind my back really scares me.
    I worry alot about my future. My biggest fear is to lose my parents. Scared for anything bad to happen really, because I feel like I can’t handle anything bad on top of what I’m allready dealing with.
    And last but not least I’m scared to open up and talk about everything with someone. I used to go to some kind of therapy, and it was kinda nice. The thing is that I never really opened up a whole lot and I dont think I was “ready” to be helped if that makes scense. I feel like now would be a good time to get some more help, but then its too scary. I’m scared that if I take away the mask and let out my feelings I would go crazy or something. Its hard enough coping while I pretend everythings ok, but to actually deal with everything and talk about it really really scares me and I’m terrified I would make everything worse then it allready is.

  • Mark Reply

    Hi,
    I have a similar story as yours. In my late teens, I felt my first missed heartbeat, and for some reason it scared me badly. I have lived the remainder of my life, having my heart checked over and over, and they cannot find anything wrong. It is difficult to retrain the brain to disregard the alarming symptoms. I am now 54. I am on a Clonazapem, Atenelol, and a anti arrythmic drug. I am embarrassed as a perfectly healthy male to be taking these meds. I wish you the best in your quest to change your thoughts. I have found the only hope comes from faith in God, He can do the impossible. I have improved, and continue to do so. Mark

  • Jenny Reply

    I can totally relate! In fact, just the other day I was getting upset because I felt like a terrible person! I was telling my husband how I am a terrible person and think all these negative thoughts about myself and others. And he said “just because you think it doesn’t mean anything. You’re still a kind person who goes out of your way to see how people are doing. we all think bad thoughts”…and then I saw this article. Perfect timing and def. helps me to feel “normal”!! THANKS!!

  • JOHN Reply

    DOCTOR HAS ME ON .25 XANAX FOR 5 YEARS,NOW IT IS MESSIN UP MY THOUGHTS,
    AN I GET WITHDRAWAL SIMTUMS THAT ARE AS BAD.I GET RASHES STOMAC TROUBLE
    DRY EYE DRY MOUTH YOU NAME IT THIS REALLY SUCKS.HARD TO BREAK WHEN YOUR ADDICTED.

  • Jamie Reply

    I think I’ve had anxiety my whole life. Panic attacks started about 30 years ago off and on. They’ve been getting worse and worse over the years depending on what’s going on. In the past 5-10 years or so I have started having these disturbing thoughts occasionally of hurting someone or myself. I’ve imagined hurting my dog (who I love like my own child) when we’re out for a walk. I won’t go on roller coasters because I’m afraid I’ll get so freaked out that I’ll try to climb out of the car on the way up to the first (and most terrifying) hill…you know…the click, click, slow climb up…my mind plays games with me and I have to literally MAKE myself stay in the car (not that I could get out if I wanted to). I worry that I’ll get stuck in my car on a bridge and have a horrible panic attack and jump off the bridge to my death. The most disturbing thoughts occur at night when I’m just going to bed and I worry that I might wake up in the middle of the night and kill my family. I don’t trust myself. I lay in bed and pray to God to protect my family and to make me a good person that would never hurt anyone. I say affirmations in my head that I am a good person that I would never hurt anyone. And, of course, I AM a good person and would NEVER hurt anyone. Uggg! It’s so exhausting and frightening to imagine these things. I’ve even thought of sleeping in a separate room that I get locked inside so I don’t hurt anyone. Many fears! Thankfully they don’t happen often but seem to come in clumps. Mostly I have situational anxiety that I deal with pretty well. Inviting the panic in has been very helpful. I just say “Bring it on! Hit me with what you’ve got and let’s get this over with”. Nothing happens haha! But these scary thoughts are the most troublesome for me and really make me wonder where they come from as they are not who I am at all. I recently realized that I was raised by a Narcissistic mother who traumatized me and my brother and that I’m also a Highly Sensitive Person so it’s no wonder I have these problems. Now I am learning to take better care of my emotional and physical health and nurture myself more. I hope for everyone that reads these comments to find some peace from these horrible symptoms and learn to love yourselves and nurture yourselves the way you deserve. Thanks for reading.

  • Shanna Reply

    I have suffered from fear of driving alone since 2002. While at the grocery store , I had my first panic attack. I began to get numb in my arms, feel dizzy , heart raced . I didn’t want to be left alone with my kids for fear of something bad happening to me with them in the car. I was diagnosed with social agoraphobia & have taken 25 mg of sertraline (generic form of Zoloft) for over 10 years. I’ve tried going off my meds cold turkey but it doesn’t work. My symptoms came back worse and felt like I was losing my mind. All of this has caused me to live an empty life. I don’t look for jobs that are far away and wont drive alone if i’m not familiar with the area , even now I don’t drive to places I do know where i’m going. I HATE living in FEAR !!!! I became a Christian lil over a year ago , I went off my meds and felt better in YEARS , I had a panic attack out of the blue one day and now I have to start all over with the same fears & taking my meds.
    I’m living life day by day knowing God will help me overcome . For the ANYONE who isolate themselves , it’s been a big help for me to get out & get involved at church by serving as a greeter. I come into contact with everyone walking through the doors, I have to put a smile on my face no matter how i’m feeling. I recently joined a group for women thru church & I’m loving it. There’s a lot of support from complete strangers & I don’t feel judged. Nobody is perfect & I’ve learned that we all go thru things but sometimes we need help. I’m not ashamed of it anymore

    For Everyone here, SPEAK THIS OVER YOUR LIFE~ RECEIVE IT & BELIEVE IT *** By the grace of God , One day I WILL be FREE *** I have faith that You & I will live a FULL life & be filled with God’s peace & joy . May HE bless you with mornings listening to the birds sing, a moment of calm silence, & happy days 🙂 AMEN !!!

  • Victor Philip Reply

    Hi.. This is Victor, I have had generalized anxiety for over 5-6 years now, I have had very few panic attacks but a lot of generalized anxiety does make me go mad. I have these crazy thoughts lately and very strange thoughts, almost like obsessive and compulsive thoughts. I am on medication but they do good only for that day and without that it becomes difficult however I have cut down a lot of medications because of this program and now have this accepting and understanding the anxiety very well and dont give in to it so easily. I try my best to be positive, smile, and I know that whatever it is its only for that time and then it will go away. When I first had it till date .. I am all good and fine and now I agree that the more we fear, the more it becomes difficult and the more we be affirmative, the more things are okay. Its all in the mind and I know everything will be alright and Jesus, the Almighty God will take care of me and everyone who has this problem as nothing is impossible for him.

  • KIm Reply

    After reading all your comments I thought I would write and tell you about my daughters panic attacks and her recovery. Her first panic attack was when she was 17 a few months after her grandfather had had a heart attack which left him in a vegetative state. Her journey to recovery has been long and has incorporated many techniques, medicines and therapists. She felt like she could not breathe and took very deep breaths ( air hungry). I took her to therapists who tried cognitive therapy, it helped with the negative thoughts which most anxiety sufferers deal with but the deep breaths stayed. Doctors had no answers for me so I hit the internet and eventually came across hyperventilation syndrome. Simply put by taking deep breaths one takes in to much oxygen and starves the body of carbon dioxide this causes a reaction which in turn can lead to anxiety. I then took her to a lady who does Buyteko ( a breathing technique) She was taught how to breathe propely again. It was difficult because the body and lungs had been breathing incorrectly for around 3 years at this stage. It definitly helped but it was difficult for her to maintain because the moment she became stressed her breathing quickened, heart rate sped up and the hyperventilation syndrome kicked in and the panic attack happened. As her mother I tried to take her out of her comfort zone so she had to practice the breathing technique as she was quite happy to stay at home and avoid the outside world. Eventually someone suggested I take her to see a endroconologist. He did tests to check her hormones as they can play a role in anxiety. There was nothing wrong with her hormones but he did put her on a beta blocker and gave her something to release the spasm in her chest which had come about as a result of incorrect breathing. The change has been phenomonal. Her breathing has corrected itself and the panic attacks have stopped. She still gets stressed and has mild anxiety especially around exam times but she is able to apply the buyteko (breathing technique) and calm down therefore never allowing the breathing to get to a point where it goes into hyperventilation syndrome therefore avoiding a panic attack.She is 23 years old now and has been panic attack free for 3 years now. I hear her say sometimes and i quote ” I have such a big exam coming up and I’m hoping I don’t have a panic attack” I have to remind her that she has’nt had one for 3 years and that by saying things like that she is fearing panic and therefore she feeds panic. Immediatley she agrees and we change the subject to something more postive. I want to tell you all that there is light at the end of the tunnel and that you are not alone and everyone of you can get rid of anxiety and panic attacks. 🙂 Stay strong.

  • Joy Reply

    Been there, all of it. Harm myself at times to stop the internal pain of depression, anxiety, panic attacks and a toxic relationship. Often think of driving into a wall at high speed, yet fear dying alone in my flat and nobody noticing they havent seen me or heard from me for days or coming to check on me, not even my partner. Fear what will happen to my pets if I die? Some days I do get up and say to hell with feeling like that, life is too short, love those days, other days can’t face anyone. Ashamed of myself for feeling weak, powerless, ugly and pathetic. Don’t know why anyone would love me the way I am! Pushed so many people away after I lost my parents and became socially phobic, I don’t think I have anyone left now. No one is ever physically ‘there’ for me when I need them, yet I always try be there for others even when I feel rotten. Life is weird and all these invisible conditions suck! Musical theatre and my pets have saved my life such as it is! Keep hope though, maybe one day all the misery will make sense lol. Love and luck to you all x

  • J Reply

    At age 56 I have had panic attacks and general anxiety for about 30 years. In the beginning I did not understand it – I was just freaking out inside and felt incredibly claustrophobic. I remember having to excuse myself and get out of a crowded conference room at work almost 30 years ago. I believed then that I was “going crazy” and dared not tell anyone. I didn’t understand what was happening or why I felt as I did. Over the years the anxiety and panic have come and gone. I can go long periods of time with no issues. But, I always know “the monster” is still out there. In January 2011 I again had a “freak out” in a crowded conference room. I excused myself and left. That episode remained with me for about 4 months. In that time I discovered the Panic Away program. I also sought some psych coaching. I obtained some meds. I hardly use the meds – in fact, I still have some of them. But, just having them has been a useful tool for managing the monster. I learned some breathing exercises. I learned the physiology of a panic attack. All of this has been very useful in managing it. I live a pretty normal, healthy life because I found a way to manage it. I also learned that what I experience is pretty normal – lots of people suffer from the same stuff. The good news is that the 2011 episode gave me a lot of tools to manage the beast so it is no longer as dreadful as it once was. And, overall, my life has been pretty good.

  • anon Reply

    I have had panic attacks/ anxiety for 11 years. I worry that when i have a panic attack I will get so dizzy that I will lose full control of my senses and make a complete fool of myself. Sounds silly when I write it here but thats what im afraid of. This problem has dominated my life for many years and the answer is this program. Dont waste your time and money on ‘cures’. This program along with individual effort is the cure. We have behaved our way into this anxiety cycle; now we must behave our way out of it. All the best! Xxx

  • Georgina Reply

    I’m an extremely anxious person – I have lived a long time in denial and think anxiety isn’t really a problem I have but something I can hold onto and use as a pretend excuse to why I can’t do things. I’ve only really started to accept my anxiety as something that I have . I have really negative thoughts about harming friends and family and can’t believe that I have them . I am not a violent person or ever acted on any thought and after reading this I realise it just a side of my anxiety I’m glad to have read this post because I thought I was crazy.

  • Catsup33 Reply

    I do have a lot of racing thoughts and I think of harmful things. It is mostly sad, unhealthy things that have to do with my family. I do follow up all of those thoughts with the realization and tell myself, “this is not realistic.” I have been dealing with anxiety for a long time and know tactics to bring real thoughts back and not pay too much attention to all the garbage in my mind. I have used many recommendations from Panic Away as well as other resources. I believe anxiety is just another thing in life to overcome and learn from.

  • Jane Reply

    I fully understand what the lady in the post is going through. When I was 22 weeks pregnant with my 1st child (5 years ago) I saw my young neice and had the most violently sexual thought. I had no idea where this thought had come from and within minutes of the thought appearing I had convinced myself that I was a pedophile, as a result I didn’t sleep for days and the thoughts got progressively worse so much do i was put on anti-depressants cos I felt like I was going mad and couldn’t go on with life if I was such a BAD person. Ever since that episode I have struggled with both violent and sexual intrusive thoughts, I now know that I would never act on any of the thoughts but feel so ashamed and guilty for ever having them. I have two little ones work full time and live life to the full but because of the thoughts I just don’t feel like I enjoy life as much as I could, I compare myself to others and often feel quite angry that I am feeling this way when most others are or appear to be happy and carefree. The anxious thoughts often make me feel depressed as I talk so negatively to myself I make myself feel pretty worthless. I know that if I could learn to accept the thoughts simply as my anxious (and exhausted) mind and stop labelling myself as going mad) I will regain the power so that is what I intend to work on. Good luck to everyone and keep positive Xx

  • Wendy Reply

    I’ve been suffering in silence for many years. I am terrified of needing the bathroom when there isn’t one in reach and making a mess of myself. I became agoraphobic from this at one point. I wouldn’t go anywhere unless I knew there would be an available bathroom at the destination and accessible pit stops all the way along the journey. I needed to know exactly where I was going, how long it would take and how long I’d be there. There was no way you’d get me out in a small boat or to a remote location. I didn’t want to leave the house at all.

    My family are finally aware of my anxiety and make allowances for me. I know how frustrating it can be for them but if they are relaxed about it, I’m more likely to be less stressed. I recently had a temporary staff member in the office and she revealed to me that she had ‘a tummy issue’. Turns out she’s in exactly the same place as I am. She carries her imodium, a sick back, headache pills, etc, everywhere she goes ‘just in case’! It was a godsend for me. I’m not abnormal and I know I’m not alone.

    I’ve recently started on Cymbalta and feel a million times better. Even though I can feel my thoughts trying to upset my belly and send me running for the loo, it just doesn’t happen the way it used to. I’m hoping that with my confidence building, I’ve seen the back of this disturbing and annoying learned habit.

    Thanks to everybody for sharing.

  • Maggie Reply

    I have violent and sexual thoughts that scare the life out of me. I know I would never act on them and they are not rational, but just having those awful thoughts flash in my mind is truly terrifying. I don’t wish this on other people, yet am comforted knowing I am not alone.

  • Crystal Reply

    Barry and all-
    I am so pleased that every once in a while I receive an email that really puts things into perspective. This program was the first I bought 3 years ago when I arrived in that dark place. It helped me a great deal and I recall reading it over and over and what resignated with me is that I simply had to take the bull by the horns and accept that this was a new part of my life. Through this journey I have come to realize that the “I can do anything, tough exterior” I used to have was just exausting and wasn’t me. My greatest fear unbenounced to me at the time was that people wouldn’t like me or would judge me. I have never felt accepted in my life. I choose not to be a victim to my childhood circumstances but recognize why I have such deep insecurities. For me this led me to be an extreme people pleaser which I believe led to my anxiety. Anxiety HAS changed my life! it has forced me to take a deep look at myself. At times it has won the battle but I have accepted it and it has gotten much better. Ultimately for me I have surrendered the control I thought I had over to the Lord and he has given me much peace. This is very much a spiritual journey and I am grateful for all the support of programs like this that helped me take the first step to acceptance which allowed me to start living my life again. Not my old life but a new one that is more real to me.

  • Mark Reply

    For me it’s difficult to share about my anxiety with others because it feels as though I’m admitting that I am weak and defenseless against often un controllable and irrational levels of fear. I have many tools to help deal with it and at this point can usually return to a sense of well-being within a few hours, but there are always unexpected situations that I cannot foresee that trigger it and all of a sudden I’m back in that familiar and uncomfortable place again. I feel as though I’ve given up a lot because I’ve ended relationships with people who are unsupportive and fail to understand what I’m going through, and I’ve also chosen to change professions from something I used to love in order to have less anxiety-inducing stress in my life. Sometimes I feel like a failure because of this, but at the same time I know that I’m showing deep compassion and respect for myself and where I’m at right now, and that is far more beneficial for me than punishing myself with negative feelings. I work with what I’ve got from day-to-day, and I’ve come to accept that that’s all I can reasonably expect from myself. And if that’s a problem for others, well, then that’s just too damn bad!

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Do you suffer from anxiety or panic attacks while shopping, driving or at work?